On June 21st June 2023, Jack and John went on a huge journey through the mysterious island. And today I will be talking about it. It started when they planned to go to America to meet their parents. But a while later something terrible happened. During their flight overseas an unusual storm suddenly had struck and which made the plane crash. But a few minutes later they found themselves on an unusual island and only the two of them survived.
“AHHH” said Jack
“WHAT HAPPENED” said John
“I don't know but I think we just survived a impossible” replied Jack
“Lets go check what's going before something happens” said John
“Okay” replied jack
While exploring the forest, they found a temple that full of gold but suddenly
“AHH” said John
“DON'T TAKE ANOTHER STEP” said John
“THERE'S HIDDEN TRAPS”
“Let's find another way around”
“Roger that” replied Jack
After finding another way something had happened 1 of them slipped and tripped, which made a hidden trap activate. But luckily a man came to the rescue and helped them falling and led them the way out.
“Hello Mr” said Jack
“What's your name“ said Jack
“My name is David” said David
“Well thank you for saving us we could have died” said John
After getting saved David told them that there was a way out sadly he couldn't handle it by himself and that's why he had been staying here for a while.
“Well okay but where is it” said John
“Somewhere under ground but there's a monster guarding it” said david
We must fight, we only have 1 way out and that's the only way.
“Okay we must prepare now” said David
“We don't have much time this island is gonna blow soon”
When they got there a huge goblin was guarding the submarine and so they made a plan that might actually work.
“Guys are you ready” said David
You guys make a distraction at once he comes i'll go flank and then stab him at the back
After they defeated the big hairy goblin monster they finally went back home and lived happily ever after THE END:D
I liked how you used speech marks next time put in more full stops
ReplyDeletethis story has a good dialogue.
ReplyDeleteAnd good effort.next time put in more full stops
This story has Great Punctuation and Great Dialogues
ReplyDeletei like how you did lots of paragraphs, maybe next time you can use better punctuation.
ReplyDeleteYou have some great ideas in here Railey - hidden traps, goblins etc. Awesome. You can always take inspiration from movies or TV as long you make them your own :)
ReplyDeleteNext time, I'd like to see a bit more punctuation. There are some sentences where you don't have a full stop at the end (look at your dialogue lines).
I'm veryhappy to see you have tried to have conversation dialogue (where you put the reply underneath, rather than next to it). However when you do this, and it's only 2 people talking, you don't need the 'said John/said David on every line.
Great job Railey :)
you don't have a lot of detail in your story
ReplyDeletei like how you used lots of paragraphs and detail, but maybe next time you can use better punctuation.
ReplyDelete